Enduring Stress

by Tammy on November 4, 2017

I kind of let my food journal go for about a week, but I still ate well during those days. The only day I didn’t was Tuesday. I went out to lunch with a friend to a Mexican restaurant that had vegetarian options and I ordered the veggie fajitas. Well, the veggies were drowned in sauce (oil, I assume) and I ate three flour tortillas and about 4 corn tortilla chips with some salsa, and a couple of hours later I felt horrible. My stomach was crampy all night. I have not cooked with oil for months, and now I know that I never will again. Chef AJ is hosting a 63 days of abstinence challenge which goes from October 31st to January 2nd and entails abstaining from flour, sugar, and alcohol. Although I probably won’t complete it perfectly, because I’ll probably cook with some flour (I’m not a food addict so it’s not a trigger food), I do plan to abstain from the sugar and alcohol (and oil, of course). I am very, very thankful that I do not have an addictive personality, but I never want to take that fact for granted, because I know how much people struggle with it.

Wednesday was a pretty good day food wise, but it was stressful. We left Gulf Shores and although Dan had planned to take the day off work, he got scheduled into a meeting, so he “worked” from the road. We ended up pulling over twice, one planned stop and one not planned. After making a phone call, he had to pull his computer out and look something up, and for some reason he turned the truck on. I simply stated that he probably shouldn’t leave the truck running because the exhaust fills the camper up and makes the CO detector go off, and he sort of went ballistic on me. He apologized and I should have left it alone, but I was mad and commented that he should have just taken the day off and he went off on me again. I got so mad after that that I called him some not very nice names, something I NEVER do when we fight. I apologized later and he told me it was weird to hear those words coming out of my mouth. I have not been that mad in a long, long time. Of course after that, I started crying and couldn’t stop for over an hour. Thursday things were still a bit solemn. We weren’t talking much and I really didn’t care. I am just really sad that he overreacted and took his frustration out on me. He never fights fair and I think I’m just tired of it, even though we rarely fight. Anyway, I did suggest that we go buy a bottle of wine after we ate dinner, but I really didn’t want to drink alcohol (I’ve abstained for several weeks) so I suggested banana and strawberry nice cream instead. Thursday he picked up a six pack of beer and drank four of them and last night, after we got to Springfield, he drank that last two. I have decided that I am not going to drink any alcohol at all. I really want to spend the next several months working on making my body stronger and healthier, and alcohol is not conducive to that goal. I guess if he wants to continue to poison himself, that is his prerogative, but he’s going to do it without me.

Wednesday night as we were pulling into Tupelo, Dan ran into a power box with the camper and bent up some of the aluminum on one of the slides. He told me today that he feels deflated. That was just kind of the icing on the cake, it would seem. If I believed in karma, I’d say it was payback for the way he treated me, but in all honesty, I think he was just tired and emotional from our fight. Our drive to Springfield was uneventful, and today we will complete the last leg of our journey home.

As much as I enjoyed spending time in Gulf Shores, since we’ve left I just want to be home and get back into a normal routine. We both decided that it is unlikely we’d be happy living in a camper full time–at least not the one we have. I don’t mind being a minimalist, but there is no privacy at all. Every time he gets up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, he wakes me up. He woke me up before 5:00 this morning and so here I am, blogging at 6:30–in the bedroom while he is in the living room. I have three sub jobs lined up next week, even though I said I was only going to work two, but it will be good to get back into a normal routine for a couple of weeks. I am even going to put the Christmas tree up in two weeks and try to be festive until it is time to go to Florida. I hope the cat leaves the tree alone this year. :-p

About seven more hours on the road and we will be home. I pray that the remainder of the trip is uneventful.


{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Susan November 4, 2017 at 6:42 pm

Hi Tammy, I love you honesty. I am sure you will enjoy being home and decorating. I will put my main tree up in another week and have already put a slimline up in my office. Hope you cat leaves the tree alone. I wonder how our doxie will react. She gets into everything!

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Lori November 5, 2017 at 12:45 pm

Hi Tammy, so sorry it has been a stressful time. This past year has been kind of awful for me too. God has been showing me the good in it all though.
I quit drinking when I got saved. I haven’t drank anything since. I am so proud of you for not eating sugar and other junk. It is awful. Good for you! I think it is awesome! I cannot say the same.
Have a nice weekend. Enjoy your subbing!

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